I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
