Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
