I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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