My girlfriend figured out who you are.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
