Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
