I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
