I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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