but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
