Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
