dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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