3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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