its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
