i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
