Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I could make wine with my vomit
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
