i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How does one acquire holy water?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
