omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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