ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
