Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
