I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
