I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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