This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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