I want to make a zoo with you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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