Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
