My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
