Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
