there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As shirtless as possible
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize