You made me cry and you don't even care
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dear god my vagina.
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