I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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