i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
