Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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