Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
