How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
