Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
