WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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