yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
