why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
