Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
