did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
