Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I will pee on everything he values.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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