We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize