Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
