i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
