Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
