so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
