tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
