would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
