Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
