just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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