My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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