she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
