The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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