I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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