Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i think i have herpe
just one?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
