omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize