Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
