Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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