Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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