but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
