so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
