I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
