dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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