I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
