I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
