woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
