No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize