i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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