We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
