Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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