what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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