The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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