so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
