I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
