I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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