I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
