The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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