All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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