well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
