i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
