Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
