the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize