is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
