He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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