mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
