I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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