Where is the hickey?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
