these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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