this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
