I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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