Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
