its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
