Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
