I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
