How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize