You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
