nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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