do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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