I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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