I'm lost and stupid without you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
