Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
